I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
