No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
