..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
