nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
