You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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