Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
