I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
