I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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