Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
