somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
