I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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