pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
