they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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