We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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