omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
