I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
