She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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