bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
