You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
