the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
