Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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