wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You smell like stripper and shame
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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