I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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