thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
