The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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