Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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