I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
