First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
A bitchslap is in order.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
