Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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