i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
