what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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