There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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