I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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