Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
