Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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