I love black thongs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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