im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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