Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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