well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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