I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
