you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
