My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize