Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
