yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
