I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
