...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
