I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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