Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
