What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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