just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
