even my farts smell like vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
