he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
