just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
