She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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