what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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