Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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