I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
