a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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