god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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