oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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