You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
