hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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