I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
