I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
