That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
