I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
