Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
