he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
