How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
