There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
