i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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